January 2010
10 posts
Some day I’m going to stop trying and fade away, and you aren’t even going to notice until it’s too late.
Anything anyone else says or does will change nothing and will not make you love me.
You need to have more faith in the fact that most...
I'm the only one to blame
Someday.. You’ll want it back again someday.
Why do I have to be such a fucking jealous bitch all the goddamn time?
It’s the parts where you don’t really care how often you see me. Oh, I’m fucking sorry. I wish I could be that person for you, the best friend, you know. I’m fucking sorry that I’m like this. Depressed as all get out and I can’t fucking take it because I know it pushes you away.
And I miss...
Tell me, what's the word?
I feel like this is all being shoved in my face. You know, you have that and I don’t.
I almost feel like copping out and saying, you know, maybe just you two should go and enjoy yourselves - Who the fuck needs me around?
I can't believe how you looked at me
I try to pretend like it’s all happy fucking go lucky without you, but it’s not. I try to act like I don’t give a damn about you but I can’t fucking take it.
There’s no one else, I’m sorry.
It hurts, every time. Every fucking time.
A friend who won't betray
I hope that I’m just paranoid and you aren’t getting upset about her again. I hope it is just my imagination and you only need time and space.
He will wait until you give yourself to him
That’s exactly it. Why would you want anything to do with me?
I'm so fucking sorry
December 2009
26 posts
At least it’s not just me that you act like this towards?
Today I thought to myself
“It’s the fact that you don’t care at all. It’s not the words you say, your actions, just the fact that you don’t care. That’s what kills me.”
So here's your holiday. Hope you enjoy it this...
You aren’t going to do it. You aren’t going to. We’re going to end up not doing anything.. because.. you don’t want to see me.. for whatever reason. I’m sorry for being infuriating.
Who says I can't get stoned?
This is falling.. Everything is falling
Do it again
I feel so ill. I need to know that you’re okay and I need to know that you’re not just ignoring me and that you’re actually gone. I need you to answer me, somewhere
I miss you even though it’s only been a week. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want this to be the end.
I feel anxious.
Why do you take this so hard?
You do realize you basically won’t be hearing from me for four days, right?
You aren’t going to talk to me today.
I hate knowing sometimes
This kinda makes me sad for a few reasons. One, you could have cuddled me. Two, I know you wanted it but you didn’t. but that’s okay. I don’t know if this can go on forever. I know that was a loaded sigh. I’m sorry for being a weight.
I know why we can’t and I understand. As I said, I can wait. There is no one else.
After the lights go out on you
I’m questioning if this is even worth it anymore.
Why give up, why give in?
“I know.”
Sigh
I wish I could heal your heart and take away all this sadness.
Nobody's as cold as you are, baby
So don't you take it so hard, and baby, don't you...
It’s not that I’m nothing, always.. I’m not much right now.. because you’re preoccupied.. And she puts too much pain in your heart, which pushes me and everything else out. I’ll wait for you.
You excelled at being free
It’s not me. I’m of no consequence. I’m nothing, I don’t cross your mind.
won't you please be mine, love?
I know you’ve said that there’s nothing that will make you not be my friend any more, and I believe you, and I have faith in that.. But fuck, I get worried sometimes. That you’ll just go away.
Won't you come outside, love?
I know you’re waffling.
I love you.
Take all the time you need, as long as there’s still something between us. A break? Okay. Whatever you need. But I need you back someday.
I am only left to wonder why, why I try
I’m of no consequence. Honestly, I think I knew it all along, I just didn’t want to see it. Nothing, nothing at all. I shouldn’t even exist.
Against memories
This sucks.
I mean, I feel bad too. I don’t want you to feel like this. And all those other things I said to you.
But at the same time, it’s hard for me, when apparently all of that has “nothing to do with” me. I know you do genuinely have feelings for me, and I know anything that has happened on that blurry line wasn’t anything you didn’t mean, but it still...
Every story has an end.. Is this it?
I don’t think it is, but I need time too.
And I’m sure that I am tangled up in things you...
It’s never going to be enough. I’m never going to be enough. And knowing so kills me, because I’ve done all I can and I don’t understand how it’s still never enough. Actually, I don’t know if not being enough hurts more, or the fact that I don’t even fucking know why. Because all I ever do is what everyone asks me, yet apparently that’s not good...
sing
goddamnitfuckshit
i’m still nothing
fuck. fuck. fuck.
why do i have to love. why do i have to feel or want anything
why can’t i be an island. isn’t that what i’m supposed to be?
I will want to take this all back when I wake up
I wrote a bunch of bullshit here and deleted it because i feel better. And because I shouldn’t say things I don’t mean. I will leave the last part:
I’m glad it’s not someone else and it’s just that you’re not super social, and I’m sorry for venting like this.. But you make me sad sometimes, and you frustrate me sometimes, and I need to say words that I...
but if I can't swim after forty days..
Hey, even if you aren’t really talking to me, at least it’s not someone else. Well, as far as I know. At least you’re ignoring everyone, and it wasn’t just ‘I fucked up again’
And, you know, you should have a break. Breaks are good, people need them. But I’ll still miss you.
everything's gonna be alright
I hope you and your fucking apathy enjoy a long and happy life together
don't call my name, don't call my name
I forgot how sad you make me sometimes. But only sometimes.
Maybe I am supposed to be an island.
baby, it's sick
Why do you have to make yourself an island all the time? Does it work? does it help? If it does, then good. I just don’t know how.
November 2009
19 posts
Well I didn’t exactly see this coming, but I can’t say I’m surprised.
I just have to keep telling myself that it’s because you like me and you have a hard time sometimes and so on and so forth. Along with you liking alone time. But it’s always so sudden and that’s why it gets me.
And you talk about how you like to be alone, but I’m fairly sure that not a...
That's why she thinks it's cooler if we just stay...
And you can go fuck yourselves, all of you. I’m not fucking drowning for anyone anymore. And I’m not worrying about ‘what i did’ when people don’t speak to me for no apparent reason at all. because it’s not my fucking problem
So I can feel you in my arms
I missed the blurring lines. Not that they ever really went away, just. Just. Tonight. You knew what you were doing, even if it seems like nothing. You were just sitting on my feet, for fucks sake. But it says so much, and I miss it. And all the things you do, they say things too, and I miss it when it’s not there. I know it’s nothing at all (or maybe it isn’t) but I’m glad...
I’m sorry that I’m quick to jump to things, haha
Always running in place
but of course.
Come on if you think
Oh, well that explains it all.
And even now, you’re still looking me in the eyes that way you do.
I'll bring your words along with me
“i haven’t really noticed”
I’m sorry but it hurts.
beyond here lies nothing
i want to be with you. i want to be yours. i want everything, everything. and i’m sorry that it’s too much.
it feels just like i'm falling in the ocean
it’s getting back to that point where someone else is the one you share it all with, and i’m jealous. but hey, at least you spoke to me. and i’m glad you’re not being an island.
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the...
Oh well, I suppose it isn’t going to matter much soon enough.
i need you to save me. and i’m not afraid to say it. but i think you’re afriad to do it. because i don’t think you know all the things you’re losing.
sometimes i think of him like that. he reminds me of you. and when i’m thinking of him, i’m thinking of you. because that’s what it is,...
And I said I know it well
You really don’t give a damn if we drift apart, do you?
You're just holding your friends and watching them...
I’m slipping away again. I like living in my illusions too much.